Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage

Let us now deep dive into the complexities of marriage, divorce, and remarriage through the lens of scripture! It's a topic that touches the core of human relationships and has been debated for centuries. Let's unpack these passages together, keeping in mind the historical context and their potential application today.

Let's start with 1 Corinthians 7:1-3:

"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband."

Paul is responding to questions the Corinthian church had written to him, likely concerning various aspects of Christian living, including marriage and sexuality. The opening statement, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman," needs careful interpretation. It's unlikely Paul is advocating for universal celibacy. Instead, considering the context of "sexual immorality" (Greek: porneia, a broad term encompassing various forms of sexual sin prevalent in Corinth), he seems to be saying that in light of such temptations, marriage provides a healthy and appropriate outlet for sexual desire within a committed relationship.

His subsequent instruction, "Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband," isn't a command for everyone to marry. Rather, it's a pragmatic approach to managing sexual urges and maintaining purity within the community. Paul recognises the reality of human desire and suggests that marriage offers a framework for its proper expression.

Verse 3 then lays the foundation for mutual responsibility within marriage: "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband." The word "affection" here (Greek: opheile) implies a debt or obligation. It's not merely about romantic feelings but about consistently meeting each other's needs, including the physical and emotional aspects of intimacy. This sets a tone of reciprocity and mutual care within the marital bond.

Now let's move to verses 4 and 5:

"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

These verses underscore the profound intimacy and mutual surrender inherent in marriage. Paul emphasises that within the marital relationship, each partner relinquishes exclusive rights over their own body. Instead, they are to be available to one another. This isn't about ownership but about a shared commitment and responsibility for each other's well-being, including their sexual needs.

The phrase "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer" highlights the importance of mutual agreement and spiritual priorities. Temporary abstinence for focused prayer is permissible, but it should be by consent to avoid causing temptation or resentment. Paul's concern is that prolonged deprivation could lead to a lapse in self-control and vulnerability to temptation, likely referring back to the issue of "sexual immorality."

How should nowadays couples behave in light of these verses, especially when both partners work in different classes or categories? The core principle of mutual respect, shared responsibility, and meeting each other's needs remains timeless. Regardless of professional differences or social standing, the marital bond thrives on open communication and a willingness to prioritise the relationship.

In contemporary marriages where partners may have demanding careers or different work schedules, consciously making time for each other and prioritising intimacy becomes even more crucial. "Rendering the affection due" might involve not only physical intimacy but also emotional support, quality time, and acts of service that acknowledge and value the partner. The principle of not "depriving one another" extends beyond the physical to include emotional and relational needs. Openly communicating about needs, schedules, and stresses is vital to maintaining a healthy balance and preventing resentment. It requires intentionality and a commitment to nurturing the marital connection amidst the demands of modern life.

Let's also look at Proverbs 5:15-18:

"Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth."

This beautiful passage from Proverbs uses the metaphor of drinking water from one's own cistern and well to emphasise the exclusivity and satisfaction that should be found within marriage. The "cistern" and "well" represent one's spouse, and the "running water" symbolises the ongoing vitality and refreshment of the marital relationship.

The warning against one's "fountains being dispersed abroad" and "streams of water in the streets" speaks against seeking fulfillment or intimacy outside of the marriage. It highlights the danger of infidelity and the fragmentation it causes. The exhortation to "let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you" underscores the unique and exclusive nature of the marital bond.

Finally, the call to "let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth" encourages husbands to cherish and find joy in their wives throughout their lives. It speaks to the enduring nature of the commitment and the ongoing delight that should be cultivated within the marriage. This proverb beautifully complements Paul's instructions in 1 Corinthians by emphasising the inherent satisfaction and security that comes from a faithful and intimate marital relationship.

Now let's consider 1 Corinthians 7:7-9:

"For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

Here, Paul expresses his personal preference for celibacy, stating, "I wish that all men were even as I myself." As someone deeply devoted to his ministry and perhaps anticipating the imminence of Christ's return, Paul saw advantages in remaining unmarried and unencumbered by familial responsibilities. However, he immediately acknowledges that not everyone shares this "gift" (Greek: charisma) from God. He recognises the diversity of spiritual gifts and callings within the body of Christ.

For those who do not have this particular gift of celibacy and struggle with self-control regarding their sexual desires, Paul offers a practical solution: "let them marry." He considers marriage a better alternative than being consumed by unfulfilled desires ("to burn with passion," Greek: pyrousthai). This isn't a condemnation of sexual desire but a recognition of its power and the potential for it to lead to sin if not channelled appropriately within the bounds of marriage. These verses highlight Paul's pragmatic approach, acknowledging the different needs and capacities of individuals within the Christian community.

Moving on to verse 10:

"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband."

Paul here distinguishes between his own counsel and a direct command from the Lord, likely referring to Jesus' teachings on marriage and divorce. This command emphasises the permanence and sanctity of marriage, echoing the creation ordinance and Jesus' words in the Gospels (e.g., Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:9).

"For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence, Says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

This powerful statement reveals God's deep displeasure with divorce. The phrase "it covers one's garment with violence" is a vivid metaphor suggesting the defilement and harm caused by the act of divorce, both to the individuals involved and to the covenant relationship itself. God sees divorce as a form of treachery against the sacred bond of marriage.

Continuing with 1 Corinthians 7:11:

"But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife."

Paul addresses the situation where separation might occur despite the ideal. For women who do separate ("depart," Greek: chorizo), his instruction is twofold: either remain unmarried or seek reconciliation with their husband. This highlights Paul's desire for the restoration of the marital bond whenever possible. He also gives a parallel command to husbands: "a husband is not to divorce his wife." This underscores the mutual responsibility in preserving the marriage.

Now let's consider verses 27 and 28:

"Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you."

Here, Paul addresses different marital statuses within the context of his broader discussion about the present distress and the perceived nearness of Christ's return.

To women ("Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed"): Paul's direct address here might seem unusual as it's phrased from a male perspective ("bound to a wife"). However, the underlying principle applies equally to both genders within the marital bond. If a woman is married, she should not seek a divorce. This reinforces the earlier command against separation and emphasises the commitment expected within marriage. Paul's concern, in the context of the "present distress," might be that seeking to dissolve a marriage would add further turmoil and distraction during a potentially challenging time. However, the fundamental principle of honouring the marital commitment remains.

To men ("Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife"): If a man is unmarried (whether never married or divorced), Paul suggests that remaining in that state might be preferable given the circumstances he perceives. Again, this is tied to his view of the "present distress" and the desire to be free from worldly entanglements to focus on serving the Lord. However, he immediately clarifies, "But even if you do marry, you have not sinned." This acknowledges that marriage is not inherently wrong.

To both ("and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you"): Paul extends this to those who have never been married. Marrying is not sinful, but he anticipates that marriage will bring its own set of challenges and "trouble in the flesh" (Greek: thlipsis te sarki), which could refer to the everyday difficulties, anxieties, and responsibilities that come with married life. His desire to "spare you" reflects his pastoral concern for the Corinthians, wishing to minimise their burdens during what he believed to be a difficult period.

In summary, Paul's perspective on marriage, divorce, and remarriage in 1 Corinthians 7 is nuanced and rooted in his understanding of the specific context of the Corinthian church and his eschatological views. While he upholds the ideal of lifelong marriage and echoes God's disapproval of divorce as seen in Malachi, he also provides practical guidance for those facing the realities of sexual temptation and marital difficulties. His emphasis on mutual responsibility, the sanctity of the marital bond, and the importance of seeking reconciliation remains relevant for couples today. While the specific "present distress" Paul referred to may not be our immediate context, the principles of commitment, communication, and prioritising the well-being of one's spouse are timeless pillars of a healthy marriage.

Stay in health